What year is this again?

 

“I never knew that love could be so peaceful.

His chest seems to be the safest harbor on the face of this earth. I can’t imagine any better place to be at. I love doing “nothing” with him. Oddly how “nothing” when done with him, seems to be impossible to top. His mere presence seems to be my source of joy. The simple moments, feel more precious than anything that I could possibly imagine.

No challenge, no stress, just bliss.

I did not know that a guy could bring such balance into my life. The same way I had no idea that I had it in me to go with the flow and let someone else plan the day.

He likes the geeky things that I like, National Geographic, The History Channel or books that I like. Who knew that I could share my simplest joys with someone or  that someone would get how fascinated I can be with those things, yet not at all impressed, while attending to the  supposedly “coolest event” in town.

It is his modesty that I admire most. Acting so unaware of himself, he seems to not have a shred of arrogance, in spite of all the admirable qualities that he possesses. The same way, he is not the least bit interested in showing off how cool he is, which makes him so much more cool…..”

Wow! I am always surprised to find things that I jot down in the spur of the moment. I wrote these lines, after a weekend that I had spent with my love. We were good at sharing “moments of nothing” then he got this idea that we would be good “sharing our life” together. I guess it is a big leap to try to adjust to the idea of sharing life, while sharing “moments of nothing”

 

Along with the idea came thoughts. Frankly I don’t know why we had to think anyway. It is my experience that thinking has a way of spoiling things that would have found their natural rhythm otherwise.

I am not sure whether it is the thinking process that spoiled things or was the situation against my outgoing, bubbly personality, from the start, as Mom suggested?

Either way, we lost peace. Before I knew it, he was telling me what he expects of his “future wife.”

Of course that only helped me rebel against expectations. I’m not sure at what point protocol entered our relation. The magic was that being around him, was pleasant enough for me not to care what we do. I did not want to force him into my circles, at moments that he was not up for it. He did not force me much either, except for his family circles and that was fun. They are very joyous, wonderful people.

Still the shift from girlfriend to future bride made me wonder:

Hey! What happened to those quiet moments my head buried in his chest where I got to enjoy his presence only. That was all I cared about really. Why did we have to conceptualize things again?

 

It’s hard to imagine that someone who had once brought such balance into my life could make my joy disappear, because he thinks he is the “future husband”, thereby the sole decision maker, the only one whose desire matters.

 

What year is this again?