I’ve just come out of the movie “Eat, Pray and Love” and I loved it. It reminded me of a different phase in my life. Years ago when I was in college I lived in an Ashram in San Francisco and had visited India on a trip to gather with other Sahaja Yogis from all over the world. India sweet India, every moment of it was magical. The slow pace, the warm climate, the soothing music, the wonderful silk saris, the perfumed jasmine in my hair, it was all bliss. My meditations felt amazing I was just having such a good time. I recall falling asleep during my initial meditations. I had arrived to the east from the west and needed some adjustment time before I could empty myself to absorb all the wonderful vibrations. Falling asleep was like God’s way of knocking me out so that I could emit all the love. Shortly after I was able to absorb totally awake with full awareness.
Of course when one takes a trip for their spiritual evolution, one becomes very observant of the Divine Play that keeps pulling us into a nonsensical state. The Indian call this state of illusion “Maya” It happens all the time and we can overcome it by becoming the whiteness. It is like looking for the glasses all over the house when they are on one’s forehead. The moment one stops getting frustrated and purifies the attention, the hand goes to the forehead to notice the glasses were there all along.
I have been a yogini for many years, yet I still find myself forgetting to be whiteness to my own drama every now and then. Luckily I recall that all one needs to do is surrender. Of course that is not the easiest thing to do when attached, but when it is time to detach things have a way of parting from us spontaneously, so the best is to enjoy the state and leave the conditionings aside.
The movie reminded me of a time that I used to dedicate most of my time to my spiritual growth. I used to pray so hard to become and instrument of God. I desired to be like Shri Krishna’s flute where God almighty could flow thru me, and I could be the instrument, a channel for Divine. What a strong desire. I did not remember to pray for other things, such as success, or money at the time. As we are all part and parcel of God, becoming more like God was my way to bliss.
When I desired to become more like God what I had in mind was not power or any such thing, but the impossible to challenge endless love that only Divine possesses was my idea of being like God. Not the sticky human kind of gushy love but rock like peace giving Divine type of love. During that period of my life I remember resenting to part from my conditionings and facing myself.
Still joy was always present.
Watching the movie I felt very blessed for not being lost and having found my direction at an earlier time in my life. Although choosing this path has made me feel lost in other areas of my life from time to time. When that happens I recall that being part of the system was not my way, or the path that I had desired. There is something draining about systems that I naturally rebel against. It must be my free spirit. As a student I was praying to be channel of God, to acquire Divine like qualities. Later in life as I was working for an advertising agency having regular meetings with high ranking people of the corporate world, I recall looking at some ladies who looked terribly dissatisfied and angry with life.
This time, I was praying “Dear God please do not let me become a Bitch! I cannot become an angry miserable person, who is harsh with people.”
Luckily I did not become that. It was just that at the time I was worried of losing focus of what really matters. Given that I felt that I had a strong presence and was certainly not one to push over easy, I was worried of pushing back too hard when challenged and becoming like those people that I dreaded so much, the miserable, bossy ladies. This would go against everything I believed in. I had learned the ways of love.
Pitfalls happen to me too. When trying to adjust with the ideas of the rest of the world, I find myself losing joy. This does not mean that I disagree with the world. It just means that I had learned where true joy is at young age and know well enough that it resides within us.
The knowledge that is encoded deeply inside me manifests at the oddest moments and reminds me who I am and what I know, for that I feel thankful to the Divine as ever.
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