Group dynamics can be various. Recently I found myself observing a fraction, consisting of a few women within a larger group of friends. These women share a separate gossip group which is their “feel good place” apparently.
I must admit that it is possibly the saddest and most pathetic way to feel good about one-self by putting others down behind their back. At the same time it is interesting to observe the dynamic of the fraction. They share a commonality which is relaxing through spilling hate over a targeted person, who probably could not care less about what they think. It is their understanding of humor.
Feeling good while trashing someone because deep down you think they are better than you, which annoys you every which way is not only sad but it also shows lack of interesting things in your life.
Since I started observing these women just for the fun of it, I realized that another thing they had in common was not to have any hobbies. This shows their lack of interest in anything productive. They have plenty of hobby activities for their children but none for themselves. Naturally their understanding of a good conversation is talking about other people. Also they agree with each other a lot, so some sort of ‘solidarity in hatred’ towards a person whose only fault is ‘not giving a damn about them’, bonds them.
This bond shows in snarky little sarcastic remarks and laughs amongst themselves. It is really sad that they cannot see how pathetic it is to bond over trashing someone. It is the lowest form of interaction within the civil world. The higher the intellectual level is the less the people are interested in each other’s lives let alone trash anyone.
Observing all this made me also question why I keep myself within sort of a reach of these women by remaining within the same group that we share. Then I realized that they are just a fraction of a larger group and I am very fond of the rest of the people.
So about the snarky gossipers they just have nothing better to do. Despite of their family life which should be joy giving and make them less hateful towards the world and despite of whatever else they have going on in their lives they are not satisfied with their own conditions thus pick on others. They would even take it as far to ganging up on someone and bully them, if they had the power. Luckily their union derives from being uninteresting and pathetic so their ganging up, sarcastic remarks or ideas about someone becomes really irrelevant for someone who actually has a life and real friendships with like minded people as themselves; who do not trash anyone, better yet who have compassion for those with shortcomings of any form in life.
So why am I writing this piece. I am sure that there plenty of people out there who come across similar little gossip groups, who try to be little bullies. If you experience such attempts whether it is in your work place or any other environment, the best way to deal with it is to remember these are miserable people who seek comfort in trashing those who are not miserable.
So in order to deal with them you can throw them a bone every now and then. It will keep their anger heightened and their gossip group juicy for a while. It will help them feel good to trash you while amusing you to see how desperate they are to catch the bone in the air. The rest of the time you can ignore them.
Actually the wiser thing is to ignore them all the time but there is something fun about throwing that bone in the form of a few remarks and watching them catch it in the air, obsess over it, formulating angry come backs, trying to be sarcastic, possibly discussing it for hours. Like I said these people may have busy lives but apparently their lives are not interesting enough which creates the need for them to discuss you and your life. So relaxing and enjoying is the best thing you can do with bully-wannabe pathetic little gossipers.
Before you know it, you forget they exist…