Feel Good Days Ahead…

It’s been a long time since I got a moment to sit down and write. There has been so much going on in my life that I never got the chance to just collect my thoughts.

I have been dealing with health issues since 2014 which was the first time that I was operated. In 2015, I had another operation. In 2016, I went to India to an ayurvedic facility. Although I was doing better I had never completely recovered and become an ordinary healthy person.

However last October I passed out during a charity function. It was embarrassing. The next day I went to the doctor, they checked me out and told me I was fine. It was stress etc.


My life had become very difficult. I could not leave the house without a small bag filled with; in case of emergency medicine, a hot water bottle, extra hot water in case I collapse somewhere with no hot water, herbal tea. Sadly I would have to use most of these items as well.

This month it was discovered that my condition was not stress related but that there were physical causes. I knew that I was not stressed. I am yogini for God’s sake.

So I have been operated for the third time in 4 years, hopefully the last time. It turns out while healing after my operation in 2015 something healed wrong which was the cause of all my troubles. It has been surgically removed recently and I hope to really become a healthy person soon.


I already feel better but considering my previous experience, I am more cautious in saying I am fine now.

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I have been operated.

soho missoni day

My first outing after surgery was last week and it was magical. I got to meet, Rosita, Angela and Francesco Maccaponi Missoni, three generations of the wonderful Missoni family. They are so down to earth and so welcoming that I immediately fell in love with the whole family but especially Nona Rosita. She is so delightful in her story telling of their family stories, one cannot get enough. They all are very delightful.

Missoni Family

(Francesco Maccaponi, Angela and Rosita Missoni)

There was such a familiar feeling as we were spending time with them.


(Me being my clumsy self and Nona Rosita straigtening me telling me I am from the family so sweeet:)


(Finally a proper pose:)

I come from a family with a textile background and grew up around Italian Brand name owners who would also be invited to our home for dinners. It turns out that Mom and Nona Rosita had friends in common.


(Mom Chatting with Rosita Missoni)

So growing up, Italy and Italians have always been part of my life as Mom used to be in Italy every month and later on Italian Sahaja Yogis started visiting us on a monthly basis.

My dear friend Paolo who is like a brother to me would come over from Sardinia every month and stay with us.  He would always go to the fish Market in Beyoğlu buy lots of fish and shrimps and calamari and cook them so finely. He is also the one who taught me how to make a mean cappuccino!

The encounter with the Missoni family took me back to my childhood and also back to my early years out of college. They were good times. Lot’s of crowded family dinners, lot’s of laughs, lot’s of dancing, lot’s of travel….

(2002 Me in Italy with Sahaja Yogis)

Since my first outing after the operation was such a wonderful occasion, it almost appeared like a sign that fun and joy is ahead.

Actually, my condition had been discovered in an interesting way. At the hospital, I was visiting the doctor who had operated my in 2015 for something completely irrelevant not even as a patient. He said he did not bring his car and asked me if I could give him a ride to a boat where he was going to attend to a gourmet dinner and even asked if I would like to join him and his friends, which I kindly said no to but I gave him a ride.

On the way he asked me if am seeing anyone. I said no. He said “How is this possible ? You are so beautiful surely there must be men trying to get your attention.”

Politely I told him that I am a little choosy of course and that it is not every day that I come across someone who can interest me intellectually. Then I suddenly found myself telling him that the quality of my life sucks and that I am so dependent on a darn hot water bottle to ease my pain or to not pass out somewhere that I do not particularly feel like flirting with anyone. I had not seen him since my operation. He was not my main doctor. Immediately he told me that sometimes during healing this happens and “no it is not stress”, it is not exaggeration, it is a physical condition that can be surgically removed.

I ended up being operated by a famous Professor who is a family friend of ours and I am ever grateful for this time the whole experience was much better from the moment that I exited the operation room. I have known him forever but it never occurred to me to ask him about my condition. Acceptance is a very interesting concept. Despite of my condition’s  severity since the doctors which I had visited had told me that I am ok, I had stopped seeking for a solution and just have tried to get by as best as possible.

Interestingly how my second outing after my surgery happened to be for a small gathering with one of the most popular actors in Turkey.

mert firat day 2

His name is Mert Fırat. He is the lead in a very popular TV Series and also very popular for his plays. I had never seen him perform in anything but since he is so popular I knew of him. I don’t know what I was thinking but I seated myself right across him at the very front seat in a room of maybe 20-25 people.

As soon as he sat down he looked at the room and at me too. I recognized that familiar look when a man notices a woman. I was a little bit flattered but more than that it reminded me of my femininity which felt good. He kept asking the room “have you seen this? have you seen that?” and most of the audience had of course, they were his fans.

IMG_4722 (1)

What was I doing in the very front seat anyways? I guess it is force of habit from intimate concerts that I attend.

Along with the questions, he would stare at members of the audience awaiting responses and when the stare came towards me, I ended up coming clean and telling him that I had never seen him in my life but I know he is very popular and all my girlfriends admire him.

This is a super humble man, so it made him laugh. Listening to him talk to the audience I could see where his allure came from. He was a very calm looking person who comes across as almost egoless despite of his fame and success which makes him very charismatic. He spoke about battered women and how he supports their cause, going into the subject of Alfa and Beta males. How Beta males are being oppressed by other Alfa males.  That is my language since I live with a pack of huge dogs where the concept of Alfa Beta is part of my everyday life. Anyhow, when I left the event I felt really good. I realized that this was an Alfa male and that was part of his appeal. How is this small moment relevant to my life? The presence of an Alfa male reminded me of my femininity after a long time. It just felt good as a second outing after a long period of feeling unwell and I hope it is a sign of many more feel good days….

mert fırat day



(Selfie with Francesco Maccapani Missoni)

cook book


(And Yes I am back to cooking again!:)


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